"D DAY"



the day sadie got her port inserted in her chest

 D DAY to me is diagnoses day. The day the world came crashing down, the day time stood still, the first day of a living nightmare that wont go away. I knew in my heart what Sadie had before we even stepped foot in that hospital, but to hear it confirmed is a whole other thing. I cannot even find the words to express the emotion deeply enough to hear those words come out of a doctors mouth. I knew it was bad when they called the oncology specialist at home and had her come in to talk to us. I told the nurse that if she was having this doctor come in to tell me what I thought she was gonna tell me then I was gonna freak out and she might want someone to come in and restrain me. She assured me I was gonna be okay. At that moment the doctor walked in, introduced herself, and said your daughter has cancer. I wanted to die!!!!! I wanted to grab Sadie and run. I wanted to be anywhere but there. Everthing happened so fast. We were admitted to the cancer floor and started treatment immediately. She received a blood and platelet transfusion that night and the following morning she had a spinal tap with chemo injected into her spine, a bone marrow aspiration, an was scheduled for surgery the next day to have a central line chemo port put in her chest leading directly to her heart. What the FUCK is going on!!! Why cant I wake up.