If the princess ain't happy, nobodys happy!!!

Ok, so Sadie really thinks she is a true princess. She really believes she was born to royalty which I guess is a compliment to me. She always says, mommy I princess u queen. She has come really far since D DAY. She now knows all the medical terms and what they mean, which is sad cause she should be talking about normal kid stuff, but good that she is aware of what's going on. We tried spelling certain words, but she picked up on that real fast and started calling us out on it. She flushes her own central line and partakes in all that she can. She makes rounds with the nurses and walks around the cancer floor like she owns the place. The nurses refer to having her as there patient a hot commodity lol. Dealing with me as her mother is a whole different story. Nothing gets past me and I have been known to go off on several doctors. I will not settle for anything less then the best treatment for her and I am not one to sit back and watch them do whatever it is they have to do without explaining it first. Hahaha, I know they cant stand me but they know they better have there shit together before they even walk in the room cause I've already researched an educated myself on this whole process. In the beginning before I knew any of the staff, I questioned everyone that walked through that door: how long have you been doing this?? do you have children?? Where did you go to school?? Do you know what your doing?? What did you eat today?? Lol. If I thought it I asked it. They love Sadie to death, me, not so much. So...back to Sadie. She is amazing and so damn smart. She makes wishes for good cells and prays to Jesus everyday for herself, her family, and the other cancer patients. Her hospital room is her princess tower that the nurses have locked her in and when we leave the floor, she thinks she has escaped and is so proud of herself. When she gets blood she is convinced that they are giving her pigs blood and instantly transforms herself into a piggy. When she's good, she's good But on a not so good day, watch out. Chemo obviously wears her down and makes her sick. When she's miserable the whole family is miserable. I never fully forget that the cancer is there but on these days the reality of it slaps me in the face and I feel like I cant breathe. I have no control over this situation and it kills me. I can fight with her but not for her and I cant accept that. I pray for god to heal her and take me instead and I will continue to pray for that until it happens.