The best of the worst

Well the weekend was good. Crazy busy at work on Saturday, so the night flew by. Sadie started vomitting again on Monday morning. Unfortunately this is when she had to go for counts, so needless to say, the trip was awful. We went to clinic instead of local just in case she had to be transfused, and I can't believe it!!!!! Sadie produced her own blood!!!!!! It was so low when we left on Friday, and she has not produced her own throughout the whole HD methotrexate phase, so I was shocked. No transfusions!!!! SO other than her throw ups and her constant falling she is good. By falling, I mean this: vincristine is a chemo drug that she has had since day one. It is given as a push in her port over a couple minutes. It affects the nervous system in forms of shaking, tremors, siezures, falling, etc. Anything that has to do with the central nervous system, it affects. So.......Sadie falls all the time. Her legs just give out under her, and she is very unstable. The more the drug is given, the worse it gets. It becomes toxic in the body when patients can not walk without assistance. When this happens, it can no longer be given. Sadie has to have this, so not giving it is not a good thing. It seems to be getting worse, and she has been complaining about pain in her legs a lot lately. Like most drugs, the effects are corrected once treatment is stopped, but we still have 22 1/2 months left before that happens. She will receive this particular drug throughout her whole treatment.
We saw Ravens family when we were leaving yesterday. Like always, her grandpa is always wanting to talk it out, and I am more than willing to listen. Some of her jelly tumors FILL her abdomen, so the pressure on her insides is intense. They inserted a draining tube down her nose, to her stomach, in hopes to relieve some of that pressure. She said she felt a little better, so they were gonna send her home on this pump to make her more comfortable. Mike and I both have always peeked in on her to say hey and chat for a bit, but I don't know how to do this now. I know she enjoys the company and interaction, but I'm afraid to see her. Images of Emily lying there lifeless, haunt my thoughts, and I don't want to remember Raven that way. Like Sadie, she was diagnosed in February as well, so our families have been in this together since the beginning. When Sadie was diagnosed, we were told that she had the best cancer for a child her age to get. "Best" and "Cancer" should not be used in the same sentence, much less using the word "best" to describe a cancer, but now I get it. Sadie is lucky. This family is lucky, I am lucky. As sick and twisted as that sounds, it's true. Sadie has the best of the worst and I am so grateful for that. Cancer is cancer in any instance, but some really are better than others. Dear God, Thank you.......