The why's, the what if's, and God

Everyone tells me to keep faith and look to god for comfort and strength. I think this is just what people say when they don't know what to say. The why's and the what ifs in my mind are deafening. What is the reason for this?? Why Sadie?? Why me?? Why would god bless me with the miracle of life and 3 short years later threaten to take it away?? What did Sadie do to deserve this?? Am I the one being punished?? Did I do something wrong?? Is it my fault?? What if I lose her?? What if I can't be strong enough to deal with this?? What if she develops a more serious problem from the treatment?? What if the cancer dies and then comes back?? How is this gonna affect her in the future?? Is there a god?? Does praying even help?? Will she ever feel normal again?? Will life ever be normal again?? I could go on and on, but what's the point?? I don't know the answers, and i may never, but yet they still run through my mind everyday. Eventually, faith becomes shattered, and you go through the motions of life, but your not really there..... A dark cloud takes over and there is no end in sight. When this happens, it's a horrible place to be in and going on everyday becomes a struggle. Happiness is sucked away and hell takes over. Cancer can kill, and It can definitely weaken the soul. Some tell me it can not, but until a day is walked in my shoes, they can not be certain of that. Life is very cruel. Some of us have it all, while others live to struggle, and fight, and experience very few moments of happiness before it is all taken from us, and then what?? That's it?? Is there something beyond what we can see?? If not, why were those people put here to suffer?? I will never have more children. By giving life, you give heartache and death. I would not wish any of this on my worst enemy. Can someone tell me as a mother how I am supposed to deal with this, because I find it intolerable. The initial shock of it wears off for some, but it will never go away for others. It is assumed that everything will be okay, but who can say that for sure?? No one. I am very bitter and rightly so. I have learned alot from this, and all of it I could have done without. I wish it was me. I wish the cancer would have chose me, I wish that god would have bestowed this cruelty on me. Oh wait, I guess in a way he did.